WHO PAYS FOR THE PLANE?:THE PRICE OF ATTENDING

Destination weddings sound like the ultimate luxury—until the reality of the price tag hits your bank account. In this extended edition of Dear Inawo, a confused guest wonders if international travel should come with a free ticket from the couple, or if skipping the trip means kissing a lifelong friendship goodbye. We unpack the full letter, the internet’s unfiltered reactions, and the ultimate etiquette breakdown.

The Letter

Dear Inawo,
Am I wrong for expecting my friend to pay for my flight to her destination wedding?
A friend told us since January 2025 that she’d be having her wedding in South Africa.

And honestly, I was excited. In my head, I just assumed that if it’s a destination wedding,

the bride would cover the trip, at least the flight. The reason I thought that was because the last wedding I attended in Nigeria

was in Anambra, and the bride actually paid for my trip from Lagos.
So naturally, I thought, oh okay, same thing. Like wow, free vacation to South Africa and I get

to celebrate my friend too. Fast forward to now, I reached out because there had been no updates and I wanted to know

the plan. This babe now asked me, “You haven’t booked your flight?” I was genuinely confused.
Like book my flight by myself? Now I’m here wondering, is that not supposed to be the norm?

If you’re choosing to have a destination wedding, are you not meant to cover transportation for the guests you want there?
Because I’m honestly trying to do the math. I’ll spend money on hair, clothes, makeup,

beauty maintenance, take time off, buy a gift, show up for all the events and still pay for an international trip too? It honestly feels like too much. At this point, I’m seriously considering not going and maybe just sending her money as my wedding gift instead.

But I also know this babe well enough to know that if I don’t show up, this friendship might actually end. So now I just want to know: Am I wrong for expecting the couple to cover transport for a destination wedding? And is it worth risking the friendship if I decide not to go?

What the Comments Section Had to Say

When this story hit our community, the comments section lit up immediately. Wedding culture, money, and friendship boundaries are always a spicy mix, and the readers did not pull any punches. Here are the exact reactions from the community:

This looks like a “performative friendship” (I may be wrong). First, I think showing up for a friend’s wedding is a big deal, and we make sacrifices based on what you share.

2. You should be able to actually have a conversation with “a friend” if you cannot afford To travel, she should understand because if you are truly good friends, she would be aware where you are financially.

3. If your inability to travel looks like a friendship subscription has expired, then maybe, you should actually exit the relationship. This is not movie, there is a little anxiety there and it’s uncomfortable for any beautiful relationship. - @thephenomenalhavilah

lol😂😂 why would the bride pay for your flight there? Same way I heard yall saying birthday girl should cover your bill in restaurant.

Nawa oh Olorun shaanu because huh - @moyotheshawty

You had expectations in your head and it’s not your fault. Communication should have sorted this out. You should have asked the bride, since she’s your friend,

if she has plans of sorting out the flight for you guys. If you can’t afford it, still communicate it to her - @thatjkl_girl

The Advice: Breaking Down the Destination Delusion

Let’s rip the band-aid off quickly: Yes, you are wrong for assuming the couple would cover your international flight.

While it was incredibly generous of your previous friend to sponsor your trip from Lagos to Anambra, that is the beautiful exception, not the global standard. In the world of destination weddings, the universal rule of etiquette is simple: the couple hosts the party (the food, the drinks, the venue, and the entertainment), but the guests fund their own journey to get there. Expecting a couple to foot the bill for international flights on top of their actual wedding expenses is setting yourself up for an awkward reality check.

Think about the math from the couple's side. If a couple invites 50 close friends and family members to South Africa, paying for flights alone would easily skyrocket their budget into millions before they’ve even bought a single plate of food.

However, your guest math is completely correct. Between custom outfits, hair, professional makeup, accommodation, and a wedding gift, simply attending a modern wedding is a heavy financial commitment. When you add an international flight to the mix, it becomes an investment. It is completely valid to look at your bank account and realize that a luxury trip just isn't in the cards right now. You are allowed to protect your pocket.

The Realistic Solutions

You are dealing with a classic case of uncommunicated assumptions. To save your sanity, clear the confusion, and handle this with maturity, follow this three-step blueprint:

1. Pick Up the Phone (Radical, Urgent Communication)

As @thatjkl_girl rightly pointed out, assumptions are the silent killers of relationships. Do not send a passive-aggressive WhatsApp paragraph. Call your friend.

• Say: "Hey babe, I wanted to clear something up. When you first mentioned South Africa, I completely misunderstood how destination weddings usually work and assumed flights were being handled centrally based on a past wedding I went to. Now that I realize guests are booking independently,
• I’ve done the math, and unfortunately, it's just outside my current budget. I’m so sorry for the misunderstanding, but I want to celebrate you fully from home!"

2. Evaluate the "Friendship Subscription"

You mentioned that if you don't show up, this friendship might actually end. Take a hard, honest look at that dynamic. As @thephenomenalhavilah perfectly put it, "If your inability to travel looks like a friendship subscription has expired, then maybe, you should actually exit the relationship."

• Real friends know your financial reality or are at least empathetic to it. If she expects you to go into debt or compromise your financial stability just to be a prop in her wedding photos, she is prioritizing the aesthetics of her big day over your actual well-being. A wedding shouldn't feel like a hostage situation.

3. Pivot to a Generous Alternative

If you genuinely want to show love without boarding a plane, stick to your excellent backup plan. Skip the trip, stay back, and send a thoughtful cash gift or a meaningful item off her registry. You can also plan an intimate dinner for her when she returns to the country, proving that your absence wasn't due to a lack of care, but simply a lack of cash.

The Final Verdict

Don't ruin your personal finances trying to fund a "free vacation" that was never actually free. Own up to the misunderstanding, lay your cards on the table transparently, and see how she responds. If the friendship dissolves over currency exchange rates and plane tickets, it wasn't built on solid ground anyway.